[Femme Writes] A woman's work is never done...

On the 5th of every month, bloggers from around the world are open to write about rights and issues concerning women. First started by Shine and Marie, we’re hoping to bring a variety of women’s issues to the forefront to make people aware of what’s going on. For the month of June, we’ve chosen to write about Women in the Workplace. Please join us in telling us your stories, thoughts, and ideas on a monthly basis. To read previous installments, click here.

So many of y'all know that I'm an actress and stuff. (Well, I'm on hiatus at the moment, so technically right now I'm...well, nothing.) And while this is an incredibly tough industry to break into, I was blessed with the best foundation one could ask for: entrepreneurial parents.

There is a lot to be said for growing up in a household in which my parents never stopped thinking about their careers and--because they were both self-employed--were never off the clock. Nor did they have benefits, vacation/sick time, or anyone else to blame if everything went to hell. Needless-to-say, I was more than prepared for the hustling and endless hours that go into cultivating my career as an actress, all thanks to good ol' Mom and Dad.

But here's the coolest part: my mom, Queen of Everything Awesome, was not only her own boss, but she was the owner and operator of a MACHINE SHOP. She'd wake up every morning, make breakfast for her kids before school, fix her immaculate mane and apply individual lashes to each eye (this was a friggin' science, let me tell you), stop by Starbucks (apple, tree) and the donut shop to pick up treats for every one of her employees, then arrive at work in time to cool the place down and start the coffee pot before anyone arrived. Then she'd throw on her welding helmet and get to work, only breaking for lunch and her mani/pedi appointments, which she kept every other week. At the end of the day she'd scrub up, make sure everything was put away and prepared for the next day (nary a stray metal shard in sight), and come home to make dinner and spend time with her family.

Not only was she an amazing mother to my brother and I (and whoever else needed some motherly guidance...or a warm meal), regularly attending PTA meetings and hauling around whatever crap we were hawking for school fundraisers, but she also ran a very successful business in an industry where men call the shots and women fetch the coffee. (Which, to be fair, she did...but as a gesture of appreciation for her employees' contributions.) She regularly dealt with dudes sauntering into the shop, thinking they were going to pull a fast one on this sweet little southern belle sporting an oil-covered apron. Oh Lord, you've never seen a jaw drop so quickly! She'd put them in their place, usually with a little sass and a smile, and watch the contracts pile up.

My point (other than once again regaling you with stories about my lovely ma, forgive the detour) is that most of us women will at some point be written off and taken for granted because we have the audacity (/sarc) to be smart, business-savvy, and lovely to look at, and more than likely this will manifest at work. But I think it's worthwhile to acknowledge the bias, laugh (because sometimes you just have to giggle at naivete), and know that you are about to knock the socks off of anyone with whom you interact: co-workers, managers/bosses, clients/vendors, your husbands/wives, children, and friends.

Oh, and wielding an iron mallet also helps drive your point home. Just in case you were wondering.

[Women's Writes] Hormones are no joke, y'all...

On the 5th of every month, bloggers from around the world are open to write about rights and issues concerning women. First started by Shine and Marie, we’re hoping to bring a variety of women’s issues to the forefront to make people aware of what’s going on. For the month of May, we’ve chosen to write about Women’s Reproductive Rights and Issues. Please join us in telling us your stories, thoughts, and ideas on a monthly basis. To read the first installment, click here.

This post is not going to be some diatribe about freaking the eff out on the boyfriend/husband/stranger on the bus because “he sniffed funny” in your general direction, and then blaming this behavior on the monthly cycle we ladies know and loathe. (Oh please, Gods of Foot-in-Mouth, don’t let anyone post about said bashed topic.)

Nay, I’d like to talk about the mother eff of a conundrum in which we ladies find ourselves when it comes to selecting a birth control method. I’d like to be PC and include the boys in this, but...well...y’all have the luxury of a fairly simple choice between one of a few birth control methods, none of which suck even an eighth as much as the choices with which we’re left. (Not hating on y’all. I speak the truf.)

It has been a while since Natty got her groove back, but after a few years (SHUT UP) of being pill-free, I am all sorts of pissed off about my options when it comes to keeping my body sans baby when the time does come to once again frolic among the birds and bees. Having been on the pill for almost ten years (stop doing the math...yes, I was young) when I discontinued, I didn’t realize how pervasive were the effects of those little bastards (God bless ‘em) on my body, my moods, my appetite, my sex drive, etc. It’s wacky, y’all! And after two years (and counting...) of being hormone-free (well, of artificial, elective ones, anyway), I’ve never felt better or more capable of keeping my shit in check. (Which is pretty huge considering my "mood moments" sometimes resulted in hurled books--preferably large hardbacks--and abusive behavior toward customer services reps at any given utility company. But seriously, aside from that, I was an absolute peach. Don’t know why things didn’t work out with the dude.) (/sarc)

See, most of the truly effective methods of birth control are as such because of hormones. (I’m not really including abstinence in my discussion of BCMs; though, obviously, I don’t discount that method. I mean, HELLO.) They alter the way our bodies work (by halting ovulation, thinning the lining of the uterus, thickening the cervical mucus...sexy, right?) to ensure that there aren't any unplanned, pigtailed, baby Hot Messes running amuck.

Moreover, I believe that many of the unpleasant side effects are intended to keep the sex from happening in the first place because, let's face it, folks, there is no better insurance against babies than proceeding sans sexing. (Unless you're the Virgin Mary, in which case hormones are likely the least of your worries, Mommy Jesus.) I mean, being an emotional A-bomb is a sure fire way to keep from getting pregnant seeing as how NO ONE WANTS TO BE NEAR YOU when you're vacillating between tears and rage every two minutes.* I swear, it's a conspiracy that the no-baby pill/device-makers have expertly designed, making us ladies look like total basket cases so that we (a) don't steal their jobs (which we could likely do with our eyes closed and in five-inch Christian Louboutins) and (b) don't call our boyfriends/husbands/friendboys on their idiotic behavior. Clearly, we're hysterical. (/sarc) (duh.)

What the hell was I talking about?

Oh yeah, so it totally sucks that in order to utilize safe, effective birth control, I pretty much have to sacrifice my sound mind and lovely countenance. OR! I could use one of those hormone-free contraptions and only risk sacrificing the walls of my uterus.

Oh, the joys of being a lady. (Do I even need to tag this?! Me thinks not.)

*I realize that not everyone experiences the emotional ups-and-downs (to put it really effing mildly) that I did while on the pill, but none of the side effects are generally enjoyable. Except for the bigger boobs. Which I never got. Sonofa.

[Women's Writes] His what goes WHERE?!

This post is part of a collaboration among some very talented bloggers to write about issues that affect women. We've all chosen different topics that are close to our respective hearts, ranging from rape, sexual behavior, and abortion, to child birth, gender roles, and weight (to name a few). I also collaborated with three very talented bloggers for a Women's Writes post for In It to Gym It, an awesome, lively blog about getting in shape and staying healthy. Do yourself a favor and check out some of the great posts/blogs I've linked to!

My first "real job" (i.e. not working for my parents) was as a Health Educator at Choices Teen Clinic, a reproductive health clinic for teens. This was--and I still consider it as such today--the most awesome job ever. The clinic was designed to test a health care model of teens counseling teens about sex and reproduction, versus the effectiveness of adults doing the very same job. We operated much like Planned Parenthood, offering low-cost to no-cost care for teens aged twelve to nineteen. (Before you start chasing me with fiery torches, you should be aware that California state law allows consent for reproductive care as of the age of twelve. This wasn't some subversive, secret-code-word-required operation. Got a problem with the law? Write your California congressmen.)

Like most medical jobs, I was first introduced to this facility as a patient. (Yes, I started young, and while I don't necessarily recommend it, it did lead me to the clinic. Thus, it was totally worth it.) Had I not had access to such a place, I could very well be mother to a thirteen year old nightmare. (The eff?!) And that just wouldn't be good for anyone. But I was a pretty typical Choices patient: young, scared, utterly retarded when it came to understanding my body, and totally ignorant about sex. Sadly, you don't have to know much about either of those things to actually do the deed.

One of the most surprising (and sad) aspects of being a Health Educator at this clinic was realizing how many people (myself included prior to the months of intense training) don't have a bloody clue (no pun intended) how their bodies function. After the initial battery of questions (chief complaints, date of last period, number of pregnancies, medication allergies, etc.), I found myself consistently reaching for the plastic female reproductive system models littering the offices and starting from scratch. (It's pretty amazing how many learning opportunities arise after simply inquiring as to the number of pregnancies one has had. Apparently, this too is too complicated a question for some.) This was even more common in the education sessions in which both parties were present. Dudes just stared in wonder as I explained that the vagina and uterus (i.e. "the baby place") were two completely different sections.

I could go on for days sharing the many awkward, depressing, embarrassing, and sometimes humorous situations I encountered over my years at this gig, but the point I am trying to make is that there is no rule book for sex. There is no test that one must pass before he or she can start getting busy. (Sometimes, I wish there were.) And because of this, there are many adults out there who remain as clueless and out of touch with their own bodies (not to mention those of the opposite sex) as there are teens who are fumbling their way through the whole thing.

Much of this has to do with the lack of accurate, honest sexual education available to teens and young adults. As you may have correctly ascertained, I am a huge advocate for Sex Ed. But sexual education is about so much more than birth control options and keeping kids from passing STIs around like pirated music. It's about teaching girls/women and boys/men about their own bodies, and helping people to understand that in order to take ownership of their sexual selves, they must first understand what that means in a very basic sense, and also acknowledge the many repercussions of one's actions within this arena. There are few things more complicated than sex, and yet we shy away from delving into it and/or the many important topics associated with it (consent, safety, relationships, etc.)

Especially for young girls, it is unfair to expect rational, responsible decisions and reactions when it comes to sex when we keep the pertinent information from her. And I am not trying to make the argument that she's going to have sex whether you like it or not, so give her a fistful of condoms (per se), but how can we expect her to take a stand on behalf of her body and her sexuality (whether that includes sexual activity or not) if we haven't given her all the facts? We expect young women to understand the concept of consent when it comes to sex and dating, but ask them to blindly accept a very conservative body of information currently available when it comes to forming the basis of this decision? We use euphemisms when talking to teens about their bodies, and then wonder why they don't take sexual intercourse seriously.

I honestly believe that some adults are just as clueless about sex as most teens, especially when it comes to taking ownership of one's sexual identity. How can you be a confident, passionate women if you have no idea what your own body looks like? If you feel embarrassed during sex because you wouldn't even begin to know how to communicate with your partner about your likes/dislikes in the bedroom? If you shut down and just wait for it to all be over the second a guy heads south of your clavicle because, quite simply, you haven't held out for a partner who could convince you that sex can be anything more than this?

I think it all starts with us treating sexual health as a valued, important aspect of one's medical history, not simply an awkward conversation that we try to avoid and lie through. And just as you hear old men and women rambling on about their heart murmurs and aching joints, so too should we "young 'ens" be talking openly about birth control, STIs, pregnancy, and sexual behavior. In public, loudly over coffee? Maybe not. Tho, to be fair, I don't even like hearing about the "innocuous" health issues (or any personal crap, really) of strangers in public. But find a doctor you trust, friends to whom you can confide, and establish a network of people with whom you can be open and honest when it comes to discussing your sex life. You might be surprised to find how many people share your viewpoint and reinforce your healthy, well-informed perspective (...or otherwise.)