The Office

Before starting my current position, I hadn't worked in a corporate environment in years. I nearly forgot some of the more humorous and seemingly universal elements presents when working for The Man. Here are a few of my favorites:

A.A.A. - Acronyms are Awesome. Perhaps in an effort to keep things concise, perhaps to utterly confuse the crap out of those not in the know (or in that department), corporate folks enjoy their acronyms. It doesn't help that I work for a healthcare IT company, but on my first day I actually wondered at one point if we were even speaking English. 'Is this math? Are they speaking in math? Because I don't like math.'

Let them eat cake. Birthdays, regardless of your relationship with the celebrated individual, are revered. Cards are passed around, awkward messages are scrawled, confetti is forever embedded into keyboards, but it's all worth it because there is cake. Glorious, glorious cake. Even if it's terrible, it's a big deal. (Incidentally, the cakes we order are certifiably amazing. I don't even like icing, but I will lick my plate clean. 'Cause that's out of the ordinary.)

Security badges. These dangly white plastic cards don't really go with slacks and a nice blouse. I understand security is important, especially when confidential information is the lifeblood of your company (as it is with mine). But I think I'd rather be microchipped. At least then I won't have to jangle when I walk. (Unless I'm just in the mood.)

Sashay, Shante! First, I'd like to point out that we hardly ever actually have clients in the office. For all intents and purposes, we should be a virtual company. (And by "should," I mean I want to be.) Yet, I was pretty excited about getting to wear proper work clothes again (versus scrubs). But, my goodness, I sorely underestimated the level of chicness that is now standard in the corporate world! I am surrounded by ladies who have flawless makeup (or very light makeup and just wicked great skin), perfectly coiffed hair, expertly coordinated accessories and fabulous high heels every day. Even my beloved Casual Friday...not so casual. (And though I know I don't have to keep up with what everyone else is doing, I do actually enjoy feeling pretty when I head off to work. Thank you, Lady Lemmings, for encouraging me to step up my game!)  

The Lean Cuisine Ladies. These gals utilize the break room nearly every day and can often be found gossiping over their flash frozen meals. (There is also usually a round of Diet Cokes present, but I don't want to stereotype too much here.) The lunches enjoyed at this table are faithfully packaged in boxes emblazoned with felt-tipped proclamations of ownership: "CATHY," "Linda's lunch: Don't eat."  (Side note: I have a sneaking suspicion these are the same folks responsible for all those "friendly reminders" in the shared spaces: "We don't have a maid," "Wash your own dishes!! (...Please.)"    

Happy Monday, y'all!

What are your favorite corporate quirks?