I have a very bad and lame habit. Like, painfully lame. And so I am going to tell you all about it...
When an exciting outing is on the horizon--particularly if said outing includes someone (totally undeserving of my lust and affection) on whom I have an inappropriate crush--I rehearse in my head how things would play out if all went according to my master plan: my outfit would be rockin (as I'd somehow managed to lose five pounds in my love handles and gain it all back in my chest overnight); I'd have the best hair day ever and my bangs WOULD NOT fall into my face all night long; the most witty, flirtatious banter would fly out of my mouth, followed by the perfect balance of come-hither eyes and "I'm gonna hurt you...in the good way" smiles; I'd throw back drinks like the saucy little minx I am (again, in my head) without the slightest slur or misstep.
For those of you who know me, you're laughing right now. Because the girl above? Not me. I am usually pulling up my too-tight pants a hundred times to keep my biscuits from spilling over the edges. (Hot.) I have two drinks and start talking mad shit (...not the sexy kind). I make eyes at the cutie across the bar, only to visit the bathroom and notice my eyeliner has smudged all over my lower lids. (Hot. Mess.) And just get me in touching distance of a hot guy; you've never seen a bigger, bumbling fool. I couldn't muster up charming banter if my life depended on it, nor could I avoid spilling my drink all over my shoe. And his. While sober.
But in my wildest imagination, I am absolutely irresistible. You don't even know. If only all this "rehearsal" would pay off. Maybe some day...when I'm all grows up. Look out, fellas!
I've never known your pants to be too tight or your eyeliner to be smudged. However...the rest of that is pretty accurate. But you still put the "hot" in hot mess.
ReplyDeleteNice. I'm not sure what I would be more interested in watching. The smooth seduction or the drink spilling mess. I can tell you the one that would be the most entertaining to watch though. :-)
ReplyDeleteWhy is it you always think of the perfect thing to say 10 minutes later and then, as soon as it appeared, it's gone? I feel you soul-sista, I think we all do
ReplyDeleteI try to strike out as much as possible in my fantasies. It makes real life successes that much awesomer.
ReplyDeleteFor the record, you ARE the first girl. And even with eyeliner smudged and your pant biscuits (big fat YEAH RIGHT on that one), you'd have every guy in the bar mesmerized if they didn't all drive you crazy! :)
ReplyDeleteI think a lot of girls can relate to this!!! =D LMAO!
ReplyDeleteI think in our heads we all have similar dream images of ourselves. It's actually kind of fun to think about.
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