How do I love thee...

(I am admittedly stealing this brilliant idea from fellow blogger Peter DeWolf. And I am totally allowed to do so even though I don't have his permission because I just called him brilliant. That's the rule.)

Dear future husband,

Hey, hun. I'd like to take a moment to thank you in advance for all the sweet little things you're going to do for me, none of which you will likely enjoy. But I'm gonna treat you real nice-like and sleep with you (unless you snore, in which case you're just going to have to sleep in your own room, which will exist regardless of whether or not you snore, just to be clear).

I think I am most thankful for you...
- staying on top of the Draino situation and making sure that I never have to wade in my own shower water because my insane head of hair has once again gone berzerker on the pipes.
- putting up with the lack of meat on your dinner plate because, quite frankly, what kind of vegetarian would I be if I had the first clue how to perfectly grill a cow? 'Preciate your feigned enthusiasm for side items.
- rubbing my back and feet every time I ask even though I consistently promise to pay you back and will never deliver (unless you had, like, a wicked bad day).
- understanding the importance of spending time with my friends and family. I heart you so hard. Lots o' lovin' for you, champ.
- respecting time out.
- putting up with the crumbs in bed. I blame this, once again, on Spicy Nacho Doritos.
- keeping the butterflies alive and well long after I should have customarily grown bored of the same person.

You're aces, hubby.

Love,
Wifey