I'm on to you...

I observed an interaction as a young girl that informed at an early age what I believe about men and how they operate...

My dad was sweeping our kitchen. Badly. He was dusting crumbs to and fro, and basically making a bigger mess than we started with. So Mom grabbed the broom and shooed him right out of his chore. He shrugged his shoulders, said, "I tried," and plopped down in front of the TV to watch the hockey game.

Fast forward to the very next day.

Dad, broom in hand, is sweeping the sidewalk outside of our business. (Yes, we sweep sidewalks. Publicly shared concrete. We like it tidy, folks.) His technique? Perfect. Never once having to backtrack, no wayward scraps, solid coverage, etc.

What I learned from Dear ol' Dad? If you don't want to do something, pretend you don't know how.

My brother was also a big fan of this technique and used it on more than one occasion growing up (apple, tree). He would do friggin' donuts with the vacuum so he wouldn't be responsible for this duty again, seeing as how we Cottrells are not fans of jacked up carpet patterns. (If you don't understand where my OCD comes from by now, you probably never will.) But after living with him in college, I learned that he is diligent about making sure all the carpet fibers are laying the same direction once he's vacuumed a room. Interesting his sudden skill, no?

The point: most men (see how I avoided the absolute there...even though it felt correct) apply this same strategy to dating/relationships. If you don't want to do something, pretend you don't know how. Don't want to commit? Come up with a myriad of excuses for why you're not ready (as a man) to put a ring on it. Not sure if you're really interested in someone? Cough up a laundry list of "issues" that render you ill equipped to get involved at the moment.

And ladies, for sobbing out loud, this is not a cry for help to which only you can respond by ushering them through this difficult time. THEY'RE FULL OF IT*. If you aren't there to hold their hands, guess what? They'll survive. Even if you are there to hold their hands, they will likely maintain the same stance they told you from the get-go (some call them "red flags," I call them "turn ons"), and remind you of said issues when they break your heart and go marry a twenty-two year old fresh out of college. (Nothing cures a crisis of manhood like a recently sprung co-ed. Bottle it up.)

So what are we NOT twenty-two-year old co-eds to do? Dunno. But I will say that we should at least acknowledge what is likely going on and stop being so willing to accept the crap that is spoonfed to us by these very tasty losers. If you want something, ask for it. If your dude can't deliver and it's something you truly deem important (like, say, monogamy), it may be time to start looking for a guy who can. (Now, after a dozen or so attempts, it may be wise to re-evaluate what you're asking for. Like, a proposal within six months of dating? Maybe not.) But if every time you explain to your friends/family/therapist why you're unhappy with someone, you fall back into a script of excuses, maybe you take a look at all the stuff you are juggling to take care of this basketcase and realize that life (for the most part) should be enhanced by your relationships. Not drained by them.

In short: give 'em the damn broom and make them do it right. Or no dessert.

(You know..."dessert." You probably got that. Just checking.)

*To be fair, it is possible that guys have real, legitimate issues when you come into their lives. For the most part I am saying that guys make up a lot of crap to justify not having to do anything, but they're not always deceptive. Nevertheless, my point stands. Justifiable issue or not, you can't take responsibility for or owndership of an issue that isn't yours. How you respond to what those hurdles mean you are likely going to get out of this guy? That's on you.