OK, so I've cried twice in the past two days, which, for me, is just straight up out of control.
Yesterday, I cried during Sandy Bullock's speech at the Oscars. I was glad she won because, well, I just adore her. I don't necessarily think she was the best in the category, but I've got nothing but love for Ms. Bullock and am glad she got take home a lil gold man. I then proceeded to lose it (in public while wearing a sassy dress, nonetheless) when she started talking about her Mom. I knew that she lost her mommy to cancer when she (Sandy) was a wee bit older than I, so I should have seen it coming. Well, I bawled like a baby and totally messed up my face. But I pulled myself back together and was reminded, yet again, why I heart her so.
Today? Well, I have been worrying about finances as it is (seeing as how I don't have any foreseeable income at the moment while I am home with Mom full-time), but I started doing my taxes for 2009...and it got ugly. In all likelihood, I am going to have to pay about $2000 in taxes. I have it, but that's a huge chunk of my safety net and therefore blood money at this point.
Quick side note: I don't generally blog about really personal issues such as this, but I have a point of greater importance. Bear with me. I'm gettin' there...
So then I cried. Again. And put in a call to our tax specialist for an appointment STAT. (Because I swear she's magic and will find some way to get this figure down, even if by a few hundred dollars. A dollar is a dollar, yo!) And then I REALLY cried when I realized Mom saw me upset about my predicament. She came in to my room, gave me a big hug, assured me that she and Pops would do whatever they could to help, and then Pops said I'd have no financial worries once I got famous, and therefore this battle would be foreseeably finite. Bobs (a.k.a. Brover) and his best friend also offered to help.
Best. Family. Ever.
And then I wiped my tears, pulled up my Big Girl Panties, and locked it up. Why? Because it could be so much worse. I could have zero dollars in my accounts, no one available/willing to help, or...I could be battling a crippling disease and fighting for my life.
I know this is a huge leap and may seem a bit dramatic. (Stop rolling your eyes, dear readers. You know me better than that.) But this is yet another lesson for this gal in perspective. I get to plan for a future that (presumably) I will get. I get to worry about things like finances because I'm not consumed by pain and frustration on a daily, hourly basis.
Seriously, what the hell am I worried about?
Call it crazy, call it delusion, whatever. I call it faith. And perspective. And being retarded blessed when it comes to the bulk of my life.
No more tears today.
So true. I think it's important that at times we just take a step back and be thankful for the things that we DO have instead of spending all our time worrying about the things we don't, and the things that we think aren't right.
ReplyDeleteThank you for this post! I'm sure many people, myself included, have felt the same way. Damned taxes! This sounds like me last year. Why does the government want my money when I don't even have any? Seriously, I make nothing. Of course you are right- I could be jobless, homeless, friendless, familyless. Instead I have all of these things.
ReplyDeletePS- did you see Sandy on Oprah today? I almost lost it again when they replayed her acceptance speech
I cried SO MUCH at Sandra Bullock's speech. My mom adopted me when I was 16 (I had been living with her since I was 12) and Sandra Bullock was so right--amazing moms who take care of everyone's children no matter what, especially the old "unwanted ones" that aren't cute babies anymore--do NOT get thanked enough. So I called her and thanked her =)
ReplyDeleteMoney. Ugh. It's the worst thing to worry about. I learned a long time ago to just say "It is what it is." Don't let it keep you up at night.
ReplyDeleteYou seem to have an incredible support system in place. And a really good perspective on things as well.
I cried a ton at Sandra's speech too, and at about 20 other times during the show. The guy who was working security said, I think his exact words were, "I've never seen someone cry so much." So no worries there. As for finances I am right there with you. I'm kind of in a state of freaking out... but like you I just have to realize that there are a million people out there in worse situations. And you will be famous one day and not have to worry about it any more!!! :)
ReplyDeleteI like your dad.
ReplyDeleteYou've got the willpower and the drive. You'll make it. Plus, all famous women cry wearing sassy dresses! You were just practicing for your big Oscar win.
ReplyDeleteI don't think we should necessarily feel guilty for feeling overwhelmed sometimes: we're all been there and to us it can feel (somewhat melodramatically) like the world is crumbling around us. It only gets irrational and ungrateful when we DON'T pull ourselves out of it and count our blessings. Don't be afraid to let it out, beats keeping it all in and getting an ulcer, right? :D
ReplyDeleteHunny, I know what you are going through. I remeber going batsh!t crazy over a few things last year. You don't always have to wear your big girl panties. Yes, things could always be worse, but that does not mean that the piles of worries mounted on your shoulders right now should be discounted. Life is still moving & crap still happens, even when you want to break the 'effin clock.
ReplyDeletePlease makes sure you are taking time for yourself. Trying to "do it all" with a smile will eventually suck all of the goodness out of you.
Sorry for the rant, I feel like I am talking to "The Me" of last year. Big hugs, babe.
If I were as pretty as you when I cried, I'd do it all the time.
ReplyDeleteIt's always good to put things in perspective.
Perspective is a wonderful thing and so is letting yourself feel a little sorry for yourself from time-to-time. Ugh on the taxes and I'm so impressed that you even have that to pay them. If they didn't take it from my paycheck, I'd die. April 15th. Dead. Every year.
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