Today I received my first paycheck from the new job. Holla! Good stuff, right? Well, sorta...
I instantly felt a surge of adrenaline and anxiety as I started making a mental list of all the stuff I wanted to buy with my new monies. Visions of gourmet kitchen gadgets, fabulous new shoes, shiny baubles and hot stone massages danced in my head. And that's fine. It's nice to enjoy some delights via the fruits of one's labor.
But I'm trying to learn what it means to be intentional in my spending. I am admittedly drawn to the new, the shiny, the consumerism of it all. (I at least reuse shopping bags. That's something, right?!) But, duh, it doesn't last. My joy in bringing home a lovely new blouse is quickly eclipsed by my bizarre preoccupation with trying not to wear the same outfit more than once. (It doesn't bother me in the slightest when other people do it, for the record.) And so the new becomes old (or at least older) and pretty soon I'm not nearly as jazzed when I see the item hanging in my closet. (And this goes for any new stuff, not just clothing.)
It's a vicious cycle to be chasing stuff, especially when I don't genuinly yearn for anything purchaseable (Word? Maybe?). My wants are all the more emphazised (or created, in some cases) when I am around others who dress they way I want to, or are groomed the way I want to be (I forgot how expensive it is to keep perfectly maintained hair, skin, nails, etc...Holy beauty racket, Batman!), or who have pretty stuff that I now must own upon seeing said stuff.
The bottomline: Stuff doesn't satisfy. We know this. I'm not trying to go completely off the grid or anything. Y'all know how much I enjoy me some pretties! But I'm wrestling with learning to be content and joyful in the Lord. I don't always know what that means, to be honest. And it's dangerous, I think, to simply blame our culture for these wants. I feel like that lets us off the hook and makes it easy to justify this behavior without working to change it/correct it.
Praying for His guidance and for contentment in all the blessings I can already call my own.
And, while I'm at it, praying for maturity as I get caught up on bills. I can't be pouting and throwing hissy fits when it comes to grown-up responsibilities anymore...I am almost 30, after all. ;)
Natty, once you have children, all those pretties go out the window without making an intentional "choice" to do with what you have. It's sort of forced contentment, if you will! :) Mark and I marvel all the time at the "wants" we used to buy and truly, while my shoe collection might indicate otherwise, contentment in "who" is under your roof, rather than "what", feels very, very good!
ReplyDeleteGlad you're back in DFW! I'm moving to the suburbs of Ft. Worth, I'd love to see you! Regarding this post: I am in a similar position of "wanting" more pretties than I can afford. I organized a fashion "look book" on Pinterest and organized a new wardrobe. I created a cohesive wardrobe of clothes I LOVE (read: clothes I won't quickly tire of wearing). And bonus: I organized and coordinated my shopping to take advantage of sales and saved lots of money!
ReplyDeleteDee - So, so true! I'm kind of already trying to check myself in that way. I am so blessed and must let the pretty things mosey on by lest they take away from the really good stuff...like my pretty family. :)
ReplyDeleteSam - Yes, that's be great! Funky Town is excited to have you! I definitely want to hear more about how you refined your closet. In fact, I saw the pic of your closet from your recent blog post and thought, 'See, that's lovely!' Less isn't always more and I have got to take that to heart more than I do currently. (By the way, I've tried commenting on many of your posts but I think Blogger is still acting up. But I read them all the time and LOVE to see you writing again!!)
So, so true! I'm kind of already trying to check myself in that way. I am so blessed and must let the pretty things mosey on by lest they take away from the really good stuff...like my pretty family. :)
ReplyDeleteYes, that's be great! Funky Town is excited to have you! I definitely want to hear more about how you refined your closet. In fact, I saw the pic of your closet from your recent blog post and thought, 'See, that's lovely!' Less isn't always more and I have got to take that to heart more than I do currently. (By the way, I've tried commenting on many of your posts but I think Blogger is still acting up. But I read them all the time and LOVE to see you writing again!!)
ReplyDelete