You May Be On a College Campus in the South If...

My 9th floor office overlooks Texas Christian University, my alma matter, and is just a stone's throw from the private southern institution. I frequently drive through campus to grab lunch or run errands, and now that school is back in session, I once again find myself amused at all the same quirks that make me giggle year after year. As I survey the perfectly-manicured grounds of the school, littered with bright-eyed and bushy-tailed students, many thoughts run through my head...

Are running shorts standard issue for college girls? Are they mailed out with acceptance letters?

So, is it a side pony? Or did they sleep in a regular ponytail and that's how it looks the next morning? Maybe it's just falling. Is it a falling pony?

Monthly landscape updates, huh? I guess I know where part of my tuition funds went: fall mums for the welcome sign...which will be replaced with another seasonal bloom in, oh, three weeks. Twice before homecoming, of course. Can I get my name a plaque for the mums?

Take any classic song title (and by "classic," I mean from the 90s), insert the name of your sorority/fraternity cleverly (or not so much) into the title, print it on a T-shirt...winning.

The preppies are judging. Always.
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How in the...what? That [guy/girl] can't be in college! They're, like, eleven!!

Her car is nicer than mine. Too bad about the tiara sticker on the back window. And she's not even watching the road. Blerg.

I wonder if these young 'ens know what a Trapper Keeper is. Or Lisa Frank. Maybe Lisa Frank and Tory Burch should collaborate to make an epic line of school supplies. Oooooo.

So much froyo.

I am not sure if these musings are indicative of a private school campus, a southern campus, or just the Horned Frog population, but there is definitely a trend afoot.

I often want to pull over my car, grab the nearest co-ed, and shake them while shouting, "Enjoy every second of your college experience! These are some of the best years of your life! Hang on to all that frivolous crap you must have right now because your expendable income will disappear the moment your parents cut you off and you are thrust into the reality of life as a college grad! ...And please fix your ponytail!"