Things I'm Afraid to Tell You

I'm pretty jazzed about this movement sweeping the blogosphere. There have been several times that I've debated wiping out my entire blogroll and/or taking a break from blogging all together because I can feel the pressure that the oh-so-perfect blog world can bring (if you let it, of course). The pretty and shiny can turn scary and overwhelming real fast. But in a refreshing turn of events, many lovely ladies have candidly fessed up to a few "uglies" in their lives. Not for assurance, not for attention, but to highlight the realities of who we are outside of a carefully cultivated e-world. I hope y'all find it as beautiful as I to see sweet sisters offering a dose of raw insight.

I'm insanely cheap. I will ponder a $30 purchase for weeks to months. Nevermind that I've meanwhile spent that cash in smaller increments on food, with nothing to show for it but a couple of food babies. I can (and often do) talk myself out of non-essentials, and balk at the idea of spending a chunk of money on anything other than food. Pretty sure that speaks volumes about something, but I don't want to go there just yet.

I'm afraid I'll be a bad mom. I get irritated and impatient over the stupidest things. Like slow drivers. Or humidity. Or my giant purse getting stuck on my seatbelt as I try to get out of the car, causing me to honk the horn, spill half the crap out of my epic bag, and sustain yet another bruise to my shin in the process. Parenting is no joke and will test every aspect of who you are. I worry that I'll be a yeller, always short and flustered, leaving my children wishing for a sweet, graceful mother who overlooks the small stuff and knows when to leverage the outside voice.

I don't always make up my bed. This may seem silly, but it's the one messy indulgence I allow myself. I don't like it, honestly. I enjoy coming home to a pristine apartment, but I generally over-snooze as it is, and the minute and a half it takes to straighten up the sheets is decidedly better spent taking a quick inventory of the fridge and freezer to see if something that could pass for breakfast has magically appeared.

I think sharing my faith costs me some readers. This applies to more than just blogging, but I sometimes struggle with knowing that some people avoid or ignore me because of my love for Christ. I never imaged I'd be someone who speaks so openly and passionately about my walk with the Lord, but what can I say? He lit me up. And I'm so thankful for it! But I'm quite insecure and like being liked, so it takes a lot of faith and prayer to make it through those valleys. Luckily, I know I'm never truly alone.

I bite my cuticles. It's gross, y'all. I'm sure it's a nervous thing, but I've done it as long as I can remember. I like having nice nails and insist on doing my own manicures, but I can't seem to keep my polished digits out of my mouth. Ugh. I even do it in board meetings. Really?

I'd say that I hope some of y'all can relate, but I also don't want to wish some of these things on my readers. Instead, I will thank you in advance for your grace and for allowing me to share.